On Courage

COURAGE|ˈkərij; ˈkə-rij| noun- the ability to do something that frightens one : she called on all her courage to face the ordeal.
• strength in the face of pain or grief : he fought his illness with great courage.

Courage...it's a word we attribute to heroes, and super heroes. It is a noun that according to the above dictionary entry means an ability or strength. If you look it up in a thesaurus, you may find these words: bravery, courageousness, pluck, pluckiness, valour, fearlessness, intrepidity, nerve, daring, audacity, boldness, grit, true grit, hardihood, heroism, gallantry, guts, spunk, moxie. Whatever you call it, people rarely attribute courage to themselves. It seems to be reserved for special people who have either impressed us or affected our lives personally in some positive way.

There are courageous people around us all the time and we don't even realize it. The circumstances of life (not always of their own making) have placed them in the position they are in yet they summon the courage to continue on. I have been taught to look at the homeless and downtrodden with a sense of disdain because, "If they would just get off their lazy bums and get a job then they wouldn't be on the streets begging for money." "They could at least get a job flipping hamburgers somewhere!" "If they'd quit drinking and get off that "stuff", then they could make something of themselves!" I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been taught this as a child by overhearing adult conversations about the world around us. And yes, I do understand that there are instances where people have taken advantage of other peoples kindness and compassion, but as I have grown older, I have come to realize that it isn't always that simple. Not everyone on the street "deserves" to be there. Not everyone with a lot of money is perfectly happy. And whether you are living under a bridge or in a mansion, sometimes it takes more courage to live than die.

It is a shame that I have become so cynical. So judgmental toward others. Through a series of life events and following examples, I have come to a point where I don't trust easily, if ever, and tend to feel that people don't want to be close to me because they are really interested in ME but for what I can do for them. I believe that many of us are this way. It's easy to put up walls of defense to keep yourself protected from pain, but walls also keep out love. Walls keeps us from giving it...AND receiving it!

I was taught to put up walls to protect myself from certain kinds of people because of who I am and who they are. Yes, I know as Christians we are taught to love the world...but we don't. Not really. We have our own little place of worship, our group of friends within it and we really don't have time for anyone or anything else. This only hurts ourselves and keeps us from doing the will of God in our lives. Over the last few years and months, I have learned that often it's within those walls that most of the pain we experience occurs. Sadly, some of those that we have loved, trusted, put faith in because they are "one of us" were the quickest to turn their backs on us. It doesn't matter how much we do or sacrifice for them, they don't seem to care. Unfortunately, a few of the ones within our protective walls are the first to step on us in order to elevate themselves or they tend to ignore us altogether. The walls I thought were there to protect me, my family, utterly failed. The walls in which I tried to have friendships and healing left me with indescribable loneliness and disappointment. Now I'm trying to tear these walls down...one stone at a time. And it's hard. I'm accustomed to them. They are, unfortunately, a part of who I have become. A prison of my own making.

There are very few real friendships in the world. And those of us in the church are experts at the superficial ones. I'm tired of that. I'm tired of the uncomfortable waves and smiles at meetings...and the whispers that follow them. I'm tired of trying to MAKE things work for PEOPLE. If they do then GREAT...but if they don't, then it's really okay. It's all for God anyway. I'm not called to have a superior position in a huge church somewhere or be popular. I'm not qualified for it. Our little world isn't that impressive on the secular scene anyway, so who are we really trying to impress? Each other? It's ridiculous. We certainly aren't impressing God! Who cares about being a "big fish in a little pond" that's not what life is about. We are here to live and to love. We are here to share Christ with the lost. We are here to have compassion. To be kind. To reach out. But obviously, you can't reach through a wall.

I'm determined to tear it down. I can't live in it. I'm sick of it. I've got to change my focus and perspective. God put me here to help Him reach the lost, not impress the saved. To witness to the ones who are not like me...who do things I don't...look differently...live differently...but continue to exist only hoping to find the Savior that I have. Those who don't smell so good or have clean clothes and perfect hygiene. Those who have broken homes and broken dreams. Those that don't care how many our church has in attendance on a given Sunday or how advanced our music program is. Those who aren't interested in the car I drive, the house I live in or the label on my clothes. Whether my skirt goes to my ankles or my knees or whether or not I wear a wedding ring. Those who have real problems, and real struggles yet somehow have the guts to SURVIVE another day. It's for them that I pray to also have courage. Courage to BREAK OUT of this...REACH OUT to them...and LIVE OUT the life that GOD has called me to.

How else can I help them find the change they are searching for? ...and they are searching.

God give us COURAGE!